These questions dominated my life as a mom, a wife, and a business owner. I tried to excel at everything, which left me feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and not good enough or deserving of success. I discovered that when I sought out external approval, validation, and praise, it left me wondering:

Am I good enough? Am I deserving? I asked if it, and frankly if I, were good enough.

Modern society insists that we seek approval, validation, and praise from the external rather than the internal. Over the years, I let the approval of others dictate my level of confidence and equated my business success as a measure of my happiness and worth. 

As a working therapist massage since 1999, I have heard personal accounts that have made me laugh, cry, and render me speechless. I realized that so many, including myself, are terrified to let go of the facades or masks we wear because of modern societal expectations. Because of this, it can leave us feeling stuck, empty, lost, and on autopilot. We all have challenges and obstacles we are trying to overcome. But, unfortunately, these challenges get in the way of the life we want, the one we deserve. If this is the case, why is it so hard to attain? 

I have observed that most of my clients, especially women, have an apparent lack of self-care, specifically in how they address their own needs, seeing them as selfish, feeling guilty even verbalizing those needs. These unattended needs can lead to diseases, dysfunction, and chronic pain in their bodies. I recognized that the same negative patterns my clients struggled with, I saw within myself.

The saying, “when it rains, it pours“, is an understatement when describing one of the most challenging times in my life. I discovered I was pregnant with our third child (unplanned but elated), and my husband was laid off from his lucrative corporate position (our primary source of income). In the following months, we lost our house to foreclosure, a car to repossession, subsisted off my husband’s 401k and credit cards and had to file for bankruptcy. For several months we relied on food stamps and government health care. Once the material objects got stripped away, I realized the possessions, the proverbial house with the white picket fence, did not define me. This time forced me to focus internally and find the strength to get through that difficult time and face the “patterns“ by which I lived.

Despite all of the heightened emotions I felt, I needed to start listening to what my heart and gut were telling me. I realized I needed to make time for stillness. I had to be proactive about my future in thought, intention, and the language I used when speaking to my husband, children, and peers.  

The first step in listening to my intuition was that I invested in a self-help program that cost $1,000.00 US, which my husband had difficulty supporting because of our dire financial situation. Over the 20 week course, I became conscious of my thoughts and self-talk. I surrounded myself with like-minded people. I continuously listened to audiobooks to learn more in-depth about the power of the subconscious. I started a daily gratitude practice. I made a vision board reminding me of my goals. I knew that I had to rise above my current situation and positively carry myself, not only for me but for my daughters who looked up to me.  

By implementing what I had learned, I started to see change within me which, in turn, started making positive shifts in my business and my relationships. The stresses of this time began to dissipate. My husband and I began to talk about our future positively and optimistically. My husband, witnessing these significant changes within me, applied them in his life and was able to find fulfilling employment. 

In losing nearly everything, I realized how much of my life was lived on autopilot. There is power in becoming conscious of the way we live our lives and why. And although I found my mantra, my life has not been a series of accomplishments and successes.  Along the way, I struggled with chronic pain, self-doubt, depression, and anxiety. At times, I became exhausted and began losing myself again. I recognized a familiar pattern emerging. When these negative recurring patterns occur, we need to take the time to look at ourselves as a whole.

So, why don’t we?

 We are scared of slowing down and stopping to reflect on what is working and what is not, in how we may have been wasting our lives and time. That fear leads to not being in tune with what you need and desire. All of that gets pushed aside to “someday”. And instead, certain parts of you (the most important parts) become numb and empty inside. Autopilot becomes the path of least resistance; however, it prevents you from living optimal lives. Being stuck in the cycle of being “busy” does not serve us. 

I used to think I did not have time to be still, meditate, or make appointments for self-care because I was too “busy”. I knew I had to pay attention to the warnings my body was giving before I shut down and did not have anything left to give. By learning to slow down and quieting our minds, we can reflect inwardly and listen to what our bodies, hearts, and souls are saying. Once we have heard the message, we have to have the courage to act. 

After seeing these life patterns within myself and my clients, I felt very inspired to design a formula that could remove the noise in our lives. This formula, my antidote, is called “The Porter Method“. This new methodology utilizes emotional release techniques, integrating physical movement with inner peace work. The variables of my formula require you to learn how to release your subconscious blocks, align with your authentic self, and give you the tools to reset and create a life by design.